Birfday

I don't like kids. I mean, if I see your kid and it is cute, I'll say so, but I probably won't want to spend more than a few minutes with the little tyke unless it is an exceptional child who happens to know some dirty jokes and can make a good apple martini.

The exceptions to this are my own brilliant nephews and niece, who are in fact exceptional. Caleb is exceptionally caring and sweet, Haley is the exceptional princess/evil genius who will one day rule the world, and Coby is exceptionally charming. The newest of my brood celebrated his first birthday last week along with his big sister who celebrated her 4th (and how my sister got The Princess to share her party I will never know...I can only assume that some jewelry changed hands). Conner, as you can see, is exceptionally photogenic and yet completely unselfconscious-conscious. He could kick quite a lot of tail on "America's Next Top Model," and I'd bet he wouldn't take any of Tyra's big bag of bullshit either.

"Cake? Why certainly, I'd love some! How kind of you!"

"I know we're out of forks, but I've never been one to stand on formalities."

"I'm sorry Mother, did you want some cake too?"

"Well, you can't accuse me of not offering to share."

Meanwhile, Princess Haley, realizing that she is above all of this foolishness, takes her place on her throne just as her favorite uncle taught her, and accepts festively-wrapped tribute from her loyal subjects.

My baby sister Karrie deserves much props for producing two brilliant kids (seriously, Haley is going to be the smartest one in the family without a doubt) and being a fantastic mom. The spoiling bit...well, that's kind of my fault. In my defense, I've only purchased two of the three tiaras Haley owns, and I'm sure she would be referring to herself in the third person even if I'd never been around!

Clockwise from the top (and in order of age): Caleb (5), Princess Haley (4), Coby (3), and Conner (1).

And now back to our regularly scheduled sarcasm and bitterness, already in progress.