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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The jelly shoes of the 2000s



From the Crocs website: closed top protects the foot and ribbed ventilation ports channel fluids away. looks good at the office, on a boat or peeking out from the bottom of your scrubs.



I went searching for these atrocities online because there is a fool at my office who has them in 5 different colors, and no one has seen fit to point and laugh until he cries and promises never to wear them again. After reading the catalog description for these tacky-assed plastic pieces of crap, now I'm thinking that tears aren't enough. I'm going to need some biblical justice here. These don't look good at an office unless that office is located in a garden and the wearer is spreading manure. If you wear these, I implore you, stop it before someone (me) throws a rock at you to knock you down, then beats you to death with these offensive landfill clogging clogs.

7 comments:

Ms. Val said...

Christopher, these Crocs shoes hold bad memories for me. When Q was in the hospital, just about every nurse in the place wore them.

So, for that very reason, I'll never buy a pair--not even in pink!

JonboySF said...

Here, here! I saw someone wearing these for the first time last week and thought, "That's seriously the ugliest shoe I've seen in a LONG time." I guess with 80s "fashion" (and I use that term loosely) coming back this is what we have to look forward to for the next 3 or 4 years. My suggestion - buy 3 or 4 pairs in every color and put them in storage. In 20 years people will pay TOP dollar for them on eBay simply out of nostaglia!

Christopher said...

Did either of you commit a beatdown on any of the people you saw wearing them? Because if you didn't, you aren't doing your job. Remember, if you aren't part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. It is time for some fashion decency by any means necessary!

Ms. Val said...

You wanted me to beat down the nurses that were caring for my husband? While there were a few I would like to have done that to (I won't name names), his life was hard enough without me opening a can of whoop-ass on the gal who administers his medication just because she was wearing ugly shoes.

I guess it was just a matter of picking my battles...

JonboySF said...

Yeah, beatdowns don't go over so well in uber-tolerant San Francisco. Even the cops rarely beat anyone up here. But while I was shopping at the Sports Basement yesterday I saw rack after rack of Crocs and did have the urge to light a match and watch all the pretty colors melt together...

Christopher said...

How will I ever become the Malcolm X of fashion if my peeps won't agree to my By Any Means Necessary principles?!

Bedazzler said...

These shoes leave me speechless. They make me feel kind of nauseous. I don't understand them at all, unless the person wearing them is BLIND, then they have an excuse.