Getting litigious on your ass

My beloved adopted daughter, Whitney Houston, has not come out of her room in days because she is so humiliated over recent tabloid reports that she is dying from a brain tumor. I can tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. That is not a tumor. Sometimes it is just hard to get the tangles out of a synthetic wig.

Those photos weren't really her anyway, and she may sue them. Do you have any idea how many people out there are so obsessed with Whitney that they remake themselves in her image? Thousands, and the tabloids print photos of these imposters all the time. So the next time you think you've seen Whitney in US Magazine or some other piece of trash, just remember how much trouble you have picking the real Whitney out of this lineup of professional impersonators: