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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Festival of Foolishness

Did yesterday's serious Trading Faces post bring you down? Never fear, the celebs were being extra nutty today, so we have LOTS to discuss!

Bobby & Whitney
The New York Daily News reports that during a performance in L.A., my son-in-law Bobby Brown announced that he and Whitney are over, and that he’s looking for a new “tenderoni”. This begs three questions. 1) Did they finally manage to smoke all the money? If so, please pay attention Britney, because this is your future. 2) Who the hell hired him to perform somewhere?! 3) WTF is a tenderoni?

Daniel Baldwin crashed into two parked cars while driving 80 m.p.h. on a suspended license. Concerned celebrity-watchers everywhere ask, “Which one is he, and why would Alex buy him a car?”

Wedding Hell Blues
Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice announce their wedding plans. There’s nothing I enjoy more than being right, and Eddie’s choice proves it…I just knew she is a man!

America's got talent (but it isn't you)
Also in the New York Daily News, the mole on Britney Spears' ass Kevin Federline is reportedly obsessed with the career of Justin Timberlake, and is convinced he is far more talented. I don’t do drugs anymore, but I sure would like to have some of what he is smoking. Not only is K-Fed no Justin Timberlake, but J.C. Chasez looks like Ice-T next to this tool. Here’s hoping he talks some smack about Lil’ Bow Wow next and gets a cap popped in his ass.

Project So Gay
The greatest show on television, Project Runway, is back, and we’ve already got some controversy. Pretty Boy Keith is a big cheater. Evidently the portfolio he submitted for his audition contained rip-offs of several other lines. It’s a good thing Michael Kors really wants to blow him, or else he would already be gone. Speaking of Michael Kors, where was Mugatu this evening? Vera Wang subbed for him, and the show just wasn’t the same without his catty commentary (“She looks like a goddamn wack-a-doo stewardess!”). However, the shocker of the evening was the elimination of Malan and his fake accent. I expected him to be this season’s Wendy Pepper, but he’s gone by the second episode. Goodbye Malan…at least you can start using your Milwaukee accent again without feeling self-conscious.

Whew! Thank goodness for these folks! Today was my first day back at work after being off for the surgery, and I needed a little bit of psycho fabulousness to make it all better. I don't know what I'd do without my K-Fed, bless his talentless heart.


JonboySF said...

Oh Christopher, such fodder! Where do I begin? First, a couple corrections - it's ALEC Baldwin and it's just Bow Wow now...he dropped the "little" after his bar mitzvah...

I guess Scary Spice will have to learn for herself that when you share a bed with Eddie Murphy, you share a bed with several of the she-male crack whores who work the corner in front of my building (and by that logic, possibly Whitney Houston).

And finally, how did that Austin Powers clone get kicked off PR over sketchy Ohio girl who can't sew? Either Angela and Nina Garcia are bumping uglies or the producers were way too high and thought keeping Angela would be more controversial and boost the ratings. Either way, I'm going to miss crazy "Mulan's" maniacal laugh. It's a sad day in Bravoland...

kj said...

ok, christopher, i like your blog, i love your writing, i will be visiting.

:) kj

Ces said...

Christopher, you never fail to make me laugh. I don't know some of these famous stars but your commentaries are hilarious. The comments are so interesting. So when I read your blog entries, I also read other people's comments. Very entertaining. Thanks.

Ms. Val said...

Ces, you are SO RIGHT. Half the fun of blogging is reading the comments left on other people's blogs.