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Friday, July 14, 2006

There's no place like home



And I mean no place, child!

Another day in my strange neighborhood, where half the houses are getting gentrified, and the other half are about to fall down. So, kooky-and-seemingly-stoned-but-harmless lady next door (girlfriend of psycho man who was so much trouble for us...I think she's dumped him) likes to sit out on her stoop and take visitors. But of course, it is hot hot hot outside these days, and she has no shade, so she has found a new outdoor socializing solution as I discovered today when peeking out my front window while painting the living room. She has taken to pulling a raggedy old plastic lawn chair under the branches of Neighbor Bryan's big-ass tree (next door neighbor on the other side...often referred to as The Good Neighbor) and relaxing in the shade with her girlfriend who usually has some nutty kerchief tied around her hairdo. Note that Neighbor Bryan's tree is right on our property line...basically, they've pulled up in my lawn to take their company. Yes, I have "227" in my yard, only without the sassy Marla Gibbs or even future Hollywood Square Jackee'.

Now, it isn't like they're hurting anything, but I just think it is bizarre that you would set lawn chairs in someone else's yard, someone you aren't even friends with, and take company there. Isn't that just freaky? Is this crossing some sort of personal space boundaries, or am I just really uptight? There were five ladies out in my yard right this afternoon, just having themselves a big ole chat, and I couldn't tell you the first name of nary a one (though I do refer to the one from the bad rental house across the street as The Lady Who Says Fuck In Front of Her Grandchildren, so really she doesn't need a name).

I had thought about having a yard sale sometime in the near future, but now I'm thinking I might just set it up in their yard since they have a bit more elevation. Clearly this is all shared space here in my neighborhood.

8 comments:

kj said...

hi christopher, i would feel just about as you do about the pushiness of someone setting up in your yard! you seem to have a good attitude about it.

kj

Christopher said...

Well, they're not really doing anything bad, and they aren't leaving a mess or anything. It is just so bizarre that I'm fascinated. I've got to try and get a picture of them tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

Christopher, you are being much, much too kind and tolerant.

That isn't bizarre, it's rude and disrespectful. If they really want to be nice about it, why the heck don't they knock on your door, and say, "Since it's so hot and you have the only nearby tree, may we have your leave to sit over here? We'll be sure not to make a mess for you to clean up and we would really appreciate it." Then you could be a gentleman and say, "Sure!" (Or like me, be a b---d and say, "Sorry, how about next Arbor Day you plant your own tree??"

Besides, this is sort of "hostile appropriation" or whatever the legal name is (you're the future lawyer, you should know this!) and may cost you down the line. :-)

best

David from Mediumgreen

dr buck said...

There are a few ways to look at this from a psychological point of view. One, the woman is obviously narcissistic and thinks she is entitled to have her friends on your property. Two, this is a cultural difference. The African-American community is more collectivistic, and this would mean that shared space is sort of a given. Three, the lady is delusional and thinks she owns the property. Four, she's just plain crazy.

RunePuppy said...

Just go water your lawn, and tell them you didn't see them sitting there... what with all the pain killers you're on ;-)

JonboySF said...

God, I loved 227...

I say you sick Ms. Whitney on them. "OH, HELL TO THE NAW...I KNOW you're not crossing my property line bitches!" Of course if you're not careful she may just assimilate and become one of them, doo-rag and all, and then you'll have to deal with Bobby and the whole cracked out entourage on your lawn!

Ms. Val said...

I have a question: If Harmless Stoned Lady broke up with Psycho Man, what's she still doing there? Or did he leave?

Christopher, your neighborhood drama is way more interesting than any telenovela. Why don't you join in? You could hang out the front window like that old lady from 227!

I'll be tuning in tomorrow...

Ces said...

Oh Golly, I have the perfect solution. Turn on the lawn sprinklers. If you do not have a sprinkler system, get some hose and portable sprinklers from Home Depot and YESSSSS turn the nozzle right at the intruders. Set a timer and watch as they scramble away with their wet t-shirts outlining their saggy breasts. Invading my personal space, I mean my PERSONAL SPACE is my pet-peeve. Point it directly to the filthy-mouth one. If you want, I'll come over and say things to them in a foreign language.