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Monday, July 31, 2006

The Oracle at iPod

Fabulous blogger Gayprof at Center of Gravitas always makes me think with his posts, but in this case he is giving me something to post about while I recover from exhaustion from working on the House From Hell. I can't disappoint my tens of fans, now can I? Anyhoo, you can play along with this game at home. Set your iPod to shuffle all songs in your library (and do not use any artist more than once). Each song will answer one of the following questions. Fun for the whole family!

1. How does the world see you?
“Glamorous Glue,” Morrissey (Glamorous is always a good thing…something made of hooves, not so much.)
2. Will I have a happy life?
“He’s Got Something,” Dusty Springfield (He’s got somethin’, I don’t know what, but he’s grand. You can keep Aretha and Dionne. Any soul singer who finds me grand is a soul singer I will love forever.)
3. What do my friends really think of me?
“Pull Up To the Bumper,” Grace Jones (I’ve always interpreted this song as Grace’s invitation to a well-endowed black man. I seriously doubt my friends think I am a black man, but then again, many of them are rather delusional.)
4. Do people secretly lust after me?
“I’ve Never Been To Me,” Charlene (The subject of this song is a tramp regretting her ways. Never mind the inherent sexism of it all, I’m far sadder that people think I’m a rather pathetic slut, the implication being that while they once lusted after me, they do so no longer.)
5. How can I make myself happy?
“Desire (Come and Get It),” Gene Loves Jezebel (I get called a slut, and yet the iPod is encouraging me to be a slut again…and to wear really smeary matte lipstick no less!)
6. What should I do with my life?
“Crazy For You,” Madonna (I don’t get it…am I supposed to be making the most of the dark with a stranger?)
7. Will I ever have children?
"Strong Enough,” Cher (I’m strong enough to live without you. I’m taking “you” to mean children as I’m not certain I’m strong enough to spend my hard-earned money on children instead of shoes.)
8. What is some good advice for me?
“The Circus,” Erasure (Huh? Now you’re really testing my interpretive ability, iPod. This is one of my least favorite Erasure songs, but the lyrics would seem to be warning me not to be so loyal to corporations that will happily leave me behind if cheaper technology can replace me. I think perhaps this song is telling me to stay away from Republican businessmen…good advice!)
9. How will I be remembered?
"Rock Your Body,” Justin Timberlake (For the record, I've only ever exposed a bosom on purpose, and I hope you'll all remember that.)
10. What is my signature dancing song?
“Dear God,” XTC (Evidently I’m an atheist who is so happy about it that it makes me dance to songs with very little beat. All the cheesy damn disco on my iPod and this is what it gives me?)
11. What do I think my current theme song is?
“Mambo Italiano,” Rosemary Clooney (At least I’m a classic.)
12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
“Waiting for Tonight (Hex’s Momentous Video Remix),” Jennifer Lopez (But my friends think I’m merely great pop fluff with a ginormous ass.)
13. What song will play at my funeral?
“(She Was A) Hotel Detective,” They Might Be Giants (I would have thought my life was worth more than a novelty song.)
14. What type of men do I like?
“Sexual (La Da Di),” Amber (So I’m not picky? This iPod is quite judgmental about my past.)
15. What is my day going to be like?
“Under Attack,” Music from the Broadway soundtrack “Mamma Mia!” (Yeah, I’m screwed.)

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