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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?

From what I can tell, everyone with a blog is using it to comment on "American Idol." I had decided not to indulge, but after yesterday's downer of a post coupled with tonight's goofball AI episode, I can't resist.

It isn't as though there were any question what with the flailing wrists and such, but the fact that Will was that excited to meet AI's own Sideshow Bob (aka Justin Guarini) proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is gay gay gay. Not Ryan Seacrest gay, mind you, but gay nonetheless.

Speaking of Seacrest, he looks like a damn OompaLoompa. Someone please stop letting him go to Mystic Tan with his fag hag Lindsay Lohan!

Why does everyone think Ace is so hot? His name is ACE for god's sake! No one named Ace can be hot, not even if you're in bed with him and he lets you call out someone else's name.

I think I may have bought some cookies last week outside Kroger from Kevin Covais.

Lessons we've learned from Bucky: If you don't understand food, it must be French. I have a feeling in Bucky's world, France must be an awfully big place.

David spent his entire video interview segment talking about accessories. I think it goes without saying that he and Will should not be sharing a room.

If I were a contestant on AI, I would get the others to gang up and we would beat Taylor's old spastic ass for standing in our shots and lipsyncing our songs.

Oh, this is about singing, right?! Bucky made Paula cry. He made me cry too, but that was only when he was talking and making all my fellow Southerners sound like bumpkins. He has a good voice, though. David sang nicely too. Sway, Ace, and David were as dull as dishwater. I think if I were voting, which I'm not because I usually only ever vote for the girls (Mandisa, sing out sister!), I would be torn between Gedeon, Elliot, and Chris. Given that Chris also looks like some hot rough trade, I know who has my vote.


dr. buck said...


I thought for sure you would comment on how Ryan tried to fish Fred Savage's shirt out of his pants while Simon exclaimed something like, "You better get off the stage!" The look of hate in that tool's face was awesome.

With 17-year-olds dressing like little old ladies, a boy-man who looks like he kinda has that aging disorder that kids get, and the goat boy who sings really well, I think this is more like American Freak Show. Also, anyone who refers to himself as Ace needs to be put down.

Now, for true reality garbage, nothing beats Flava of Love with women having their names ripped from them and being given such classy nicknames as Goldie, New York, Pumkin, and Red Oyster. Complete with "challenges" like making fried chicken, a smelloff, and a request to put false teeth back into an old lady's mouth. That is some good shit. The Surreal Life 9768678 will have Alexis Arquette, Tawney Kitaen, and Sherman Helmsley for God's sake! Then there is the rumored cast of Celebrity Fat Club 4, including: Corey Haim, Shar Jackson, and Blair from Facts of Life. Couldn't they get Bootsie? With all of this to watch, who needs the reality of war, disease, and crime? This is what our nation has become.

Christopher said...

I'm convinced Seacrest and Lindsay Lohan are going to Mystic Tan together, only they're sneaking into the changing room together, doing way too much blow, and then forgetting how many times they've gotten sprayed. You saw the result of that last night. Seacrest, this is your fake tan on drugs.