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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Idol Hands are the Devil's Reality Show

When Siegfried...


donates to Barbara...

and Barbara gets Lisa Ling to carry their spawn, you get...


You have to give Barry credit, though. He took a fag hag in a bathhouse, and between bouts of mansex, made her the superstar we now know as Bette Midler. Likewise, his musical direction made virtually all the AI kids seem like they could have a hit record...except for Bucky. Or Lisa.

Mandisa is so fantastic, and I so loved her performance. That said, I have to agree with the Advocate's commentator when he said he sees her future: three or four dance hits and then the next 20 years riding on a float at gay pride.

Bucky should have stuck with his Austin Scarlett look...at least it made something about him interesting.

For the first time, I didn't see Paris as a little girl trying to wear her mommy's shoes.

Chris Daughtry noted that he identified with Johnny Cash's "Walk The Line" since he wrote it for his wife promising to be faithful while on the road. I hope he identifies with it because Johnny shagged someone rotten while on the road, despite that song. Chris, come see me. You can even call me June.

Anyone notice Simon Cowell hanging onto a green cigarette lighter for no apparent reason tonight? I think he's hoping to set Paula on fire when she blows her amaretto sour breath his way. Good god, someone needs to take her pharmacist(s) and spank some ass! Also, her hair is all hanging in her face, like she's trying to hide some cosmetic surgery scars (and believe me, I'm the authority on that).

And then Paula proves she's drunk by telling Little Miss Perfect Lisa with her half octave range that it was her best week yet. I'm guessing Lisa's classmates really want to beat her up.

Barry advised Kevin Covais to sing really really quietly. Good advice...obviously Barry has been watching the show and knows the less we hear of Kevin, the better.

I still think Kellie Pickler is a phony. She sounded pretty okay, looked like she had been styled by Paris Hilton's maid, and when she talks...like a rake down a chalkboard. On behalf of southerners, I apologize to America.

Every week Ace stays in this contest proves just how far "fuckable" will take you in America. Okay, so he sounded good this week, but he just seems to try so hard to give those smoldering glances, it is like he's posing for a Tiger Beat photo shoot. He's cute, but he's not sexy. You can't force sexy. If he were really sexy, he wouldn't have to try so hard. Paula thought he was sexy, of course, but Paula hit that boy who looks like Kevin Federline.

Obviously I have already made up my mind. Give me Mandisa, Paris, and Chris. I'll let McPhee stay if she does something interesting.

Notice that no comments were made about Ryan Seacrest this evening...I'm trying to wean myself from mean comments about Whitney, Star, Britney and Ryan. It is too easy.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh you are such a potty-mouth indeed, but I am still very fond of you. I wish you good health and good luck!

Holly said...

You are WAY too obsessed with this show! Give me BB7!!!!!

(o) (o)

Christopher said...

Holly flashed her girls at me! I can die happy!

Re: my obsession with American Idol, all I can say is that I have to have something to obsess on between seasons of Big Brother and Project Runway. Lord knows I can't spend all of my obsession on Fiestaware, and it isn't like I'm going to get any house reno done!