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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

MSG, BMs, the Dolls, and a Fabulous Reader Contest

Is it perhaps cause for concern and a sign of my advancing years that today via e-mail with a group of friends I was discussing booty in the non-sexual medical sense? My friend MSG is undergoing radiation and chemo right now for colon cancer (and yet he still let me pity party myself a bit even though his issues are so much larger...that's a great friend!), and booty discomfort is a major issue for him at the moment. I had a gross and uncomfortable medical episode this morn, but mentioned at least my booty is comfortable if not entirely active since surgery. When you start discussing bowel activity, I think it means you are officially no longer a bright young thing. Or perhaps it just means you spend far too much time with Ed (http://thenetdog.blogspot.com). He does always say that everything always leads back to poopie.

So like I said, I went in to Jewish Hospital this morn to have my drainage tube removed. Craiggers took off the afternoon to take me, but they said they could get me in immediately, so I took off on my own. Mistake. First of all, it wasn't seriously painful, but it was uncomfortable and gross. And now I'm sort of nauseated and tired...I wasn't up to venturing out much yet I guess. The plane trip home must have whipped me. So, I plan to spend the afternoon on the sofa with my pills and soap operas like a well-behaved diva. It sure would be fun to recuperate in Lexington with MSG, though. We could lay around in maribou-trimmed robes on fainting sofas, bitching, moaning, and popping pills like "Valley of the Invalid Dolls". That would be brilliant!

And now for our first ever Trading Faces Name That Excuse Contest! I e-mailed the sups at the office letting them know I'd be working some from home because I'm out for medical reasons (they all thought I was out of town on bid-ness last week). According to my trusty sidekick Rhoda, the rumors are flying now. Apparently, I either got mad on the bid-ness trip and am home pouting, am going to be working from home permanently, or have had some sort of stress-related incident. So your task is to come up with a fabulous reason as to why I'm not in the office. It must be believable, yet outlandish enough to entertain. I'll plant the winning rumor with a couple of trusty accomplices and see how far it spreads. I will say I think it needs to involve some sort of mental episode since they've been expecting that from me for so long. Bear in mind, this is the same office where, when my grandpa died a couple of years ago and I went on bereavement leave for three days, everyone thought I had been fired and was escorted from the building in tears by my boss. They're an easy target audience, I promise! I'll rummage around and see what kind of prize I can find for the winner.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so on this task! I have got to come up with something and I think I know just waht will do it.
Kisses,
Chele

Andrew said...

Oooh, I know, I know. You came home early from your bid-ness trip only to find Craig in bed with... a cable installer (and he had plenty of coax cable, if you know what I mean). You were so angered that you beat the living shite out of both of them and Craig had to call the po-lice on you. After being locked up for assault and one restraining order later, your mental condition is, shall we say, as fragile as an osteoporosised hip! You boss thought it best that you spend some time "sorting things out" before coming back while secretly ordering security to detain your ass if you show up before getting a clean bill of mental health from the company shrink.

I think it's entirely plausible!
--Andrew

Craig said...

I think we should go with the obvious. Since you're a former drag performer, and since the uninformed thinks that drag performers all wish they were really women, my story is you had a crisis of gender and went ahead and had the surgery. And if they thought you were a bitch before, just wait until you come back on estrogen...

Dr. Buck said...

For me, I think it is a good idea to say that you actually were filming Extreme Makeover for ABC.

Big Daddy aka The General said...

Two words....Avian Flu

Dr. Buck said...

What if you went out of the states for business and came back with a flesh-eating parasite? Or maybe you just got out of Promises Rehab?

Ms. Val said...

When you start discussing bowel activity, I think it means you are officially no longer a bright young thing.

Hey! I resemble that remark! :-)~