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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Talk amongst yourselves

Here are a few topics:

1) "Project Runway", the show that single-handedly finished Bravo's transition into the unofficial cable network for fags and their hags, is on tonight. Oh how I hope that boring Kara will be thrown out by the Cat Pack that is Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and everyone's favorite Teutonic Temptress Ms. Heidi Klum. I also hope that someday I can find a life, and thus invest a bit less of myself in the fate of these exhibitionist strangers. Until then, please oh please oh please let Daniel V. win the Olympus Fashion Week finals!!!
2) How soon is wow? The new single by Morrissey, preceding his upcoming new album, is on iTunes as an exclusive. Brilliance for a mere $0.99. Thank you Steve Jobs, you may well be the living incarnation of God on Earth.
3) There is no change in the status of my face today. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that Craig and I got absolutely hammered last night on our anniversary, having a bottle of a very lovely chardonnay at dinner, then a couple of cocktails before and during our....ahem....private anniversary celebration.
4) The official homo cable network (as opposed to Bravo, which as I mentioned is merely de facto homo) is airing "Morrissey Put the 'M' in Manchester", the film of his homecoming concert in England last year. Watch it, and love it. If, on the other hand, you don't "get" Morrissey, then you were likely a popular kid in high school, and frankly I am rather amazed we are friends.
5) Pamela Anderson is boycotting the Kentucky Derby. Health officials in The Ville who track STDs collectively breath a sigh of relief. Now Pam has been to the Derby more than once, and claims that her boycott has nothing to do with the new sponsorship of Churchill Downs by Yum! Brands (owner of KFC, a company to which she has been vocally opposed). Rather, she is boycotting because she believes horse racing is cruel.'ve been here for Derby several times, and you've just now figured out it a horse race? Every time she opens her mouth, it becomes a bit more clear why she found it necessary to get those volleyballs implanted in her chest.
6) If you ever get the chance to eat at Napa River Grill, I highly recommend it. We went last night because we always find out where Danny is taking Holly for V. Day and go there. He is so metrosexual, he makes Ryan Seacrest look like Larry the Cable Guy. Get the calamari, and ask for advice on wine because they are quite helpful. Look at the wine list on the back of the menu, not the one in the separate leatherbound can't afford the wine in there, otherwise we would be much closer friends. If you can afford the wine in that book, please feel free to give me a call and be my Karen Walker.
7) I wore my black suit last night with a white and pink Michael Kors shirt and a hot pink BCBG tie. Why is this important? Because I bought that suit a few years ago around the time I quit taking drugs and got up to the heaviest I have ever been. I've been meaning to take that suit to the tailors for some time now. Last night, I couldn't get into what I wanted to wear as I have been gaining weight again after quitting smoking. I tried on the suit, and it fit perfectly. It occured to me, what if what is left on my face is not swelling, but is actually just fat? Dammit. I probably shouldn't have ordered that pizza this evening. I'm fairly certain I shouldn't have eaten half of it in one sitting. I swear the scarring along my jaw line is the only thing keeping me from sucking down a pack of tasty nicotine treats this second.

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