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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Reading is Fundamental

I had sent my sister Karrie the link to this blog because I thought she might find it funny, and because frankly, I am fascinated by the fact that she is able to get high-speed internet access in Webbville, Kentucky. So a few days ago, I was talking to my mama, and she told me Karrie had shown her the pictures this page. I was briefly embarrassed, wondering what naughty things I may have said that I wouldn't want my mom to read. Then I realized that between my brother and me, there are few things that could embarrass my family. And of course mom said she saw the pictures...did she actually read the text?

In the interest of science, let's see if mom notices this terribly true and utterly shameful story, inspired by the story told today on my favorite blog, The Faggoty-Ass Faggot ( Way back when I was doing all sinning out in Albuquerque, I met this guy, older and kinda sleazy with a late model BMW. He looked like the sort who probably has chopped-up Cub Scout under his front porch, so at the time I was naturally attracted to him. As happens when one is young, perverted, and frequently under the influence of multiple substances, we ended up back at my apartment. And as happens when one isn't particularly observant, he turned out to be a bit married. I discovered this piece of information after we finished our calisthenics, when he announced his wife would probably be missing him soon.

I should note that at the time, I was still in possession of an exceedingly ill-tempered white cat named Warhol. Warhol was far more observant than me, and he made sure Mr. Adulterer's wife would notice his absence. When retrieving the clothing strewn hither and yon across my apartment floor, we discovered Warhol had made his mark by spraying the trick's pants. And when I say spray, I mean he soaked one entire leg of the pants.

Warhol was just a touch moralistic, I suppose, and figured I had broken one too many commandment in front of him. Oddly enough, much as he hated everyone and everything, I have to say in our time together, he never once sprayed any of Craig's clothing. I'm not exactly sure what that says about Craig, other than that he is the kind of boy you can bring home to your mom.

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