I don't like to brag, but I may just have cemented my status as Evil Genius. Are you astounded? I was too. I mean, I never thought that I would be able to solve the quagmire in Iraq while studying/not understanding the Parol Evidence Test for a contract dispute. Actually, I wasn't studying, but rather avoiding this mind-numbing subject by reading all about supermodel/beatdown artist Naomi Campbell's latest legal problems. It seems she smacked around another maid and berated her for being "Third World." The maid is accusing Naomi of being a "violent super-bigot." That's when it hit me...why on earth do we bother with anger management classes for these people? Let the anger work for us!
Naomi scoffed at our attempts to make her play nice. It is perfectly clear she enjoys beating the tar out of foreigners, and let's face it, bitch is damn good at it. So why not let her do what she does best? Let's put together an army of pissed-off rich bitches, led by Naomi, and send them to the Middle East. I guarantee that she will sort them all out in no time flat. You know it was a bloody mess for her to take Anna Wintour's hairdo for her court appearance today. Show me a radical Islamic terrorist scarier than the iron-fisted editor of Vogue, and I'll show you someone who is going to take over the world.
Our only fear is that Tyra "That's not a forehead, that's a fivehead!" Banks is going to join in with the Iraqi insurgency once she hears that Naomi's lawyer has taken to referring to his client as "the most beautiful black woman in the world." Still, Tyra's not the sharpest tool in the shed, and if Linda Evangelista can figure out how to not wake up for less than $10,000, she can plan a strategy for her BFF Naomi to take down Tyra and the insurgents.
No need for Dubya and his pals to thank me for cleaning up their little mess (though I admit that being passed over for yet another cabinet position is starting to sting). As a loyal American and fashionista, it is the least I can do.