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Thursday, September 21, 2006


This morning Craig confessed that he replaced our regular coffee with half-caff. WTF?!!!!!! Why in the world would anyone drink coffee without the caffeine? Without the caffeinated goodness, it is just useless warm brown water! He was yammering on about his blood pressure, his doctor, medication, blah blah blah. No consideration for my feelings, of course. All I could think was, "No wonder I was falling asleep every afternoon this week! This must be what it is like being married to an adulterer. I so totally identify with Christy Brinkley right now."

Needless to say, I left the house and went immediately to the library at school to get a venti Starbucks, fully charged. While I enjoyed my real coffee, I studied for my torts class by trying to figure out exactly what intentional tort I can utilize to bring a claim against Craiggers. I'm thinking trespass to chattels with a side of intentional infliction of emotional distress. This is just what I needed on top of all the other stress...discovering I live with a tortfeasor!


Ms. Val said...

Christopher, I'm lost here. Are you mad because Craig replaced the coffee without telling you, or are you mad that he replaced it at all?

If it's the former, you have a right to be upset. He should have told you. You have a right to know you're not getting your proper morning jolt.

Now, he cited that he made the change because of his high blood pressure, health issues etc. Having been through this rollercoaster very recently myself, I think allowing him to switch to decaf is a reasonable accommodation. You just shouldn't be forced to make the change with him.

This weekend, on your way home from the Louisville AIDS Walk, I think you guys should stop by Target and pick up a new coffee maker.

Christopher said...

Oh, he's welcome to drink all the decaf he wants, just don't trick me into drinking that crap!

You don't like my fancy Cuisinart coffeemaker?! I think it is so hot! Notice the seamist sugar and creamer, and the rose sugar packet holder. You can't tell this from the pic, but where the coffeemaker is used to be a cabinet that held a wall oven. When I pulled the thing out, I painted out the cabinet in swan white, put new hardware on the cabinet, and installed a pull-out shelf. The microwave is on the bottom, and the coffemaker and fixin's pull out. I built that! I built my own coffee bar! Now tell me y'all aren't impressed by that!

Ms. Val said...

I like your Cuisinart coffeemaker just fine! I just think you need to get a second coffeemaker for Craig and his decaf.

Great job on building your own coffee bar. You're brave! I'm afraid to remove or otherwise demolish anything in my kitchen. I did remove the upper cabinet doors, but those can be easily replaced.

dr buck said...

As a trained professional, I would be happy to settle this disagreement for a small fee....

And that is a cool coffeemaker!

JonboySF said...

All this talk of torts is making me hungry. Oh, you mean the LEGAL torts. Nevermind.

(btw, my verification word is close to fresh & femmy! ;-p)

Christopher said...

Jonboysf, thanks for the AIDS Walk donation!!! You really are fresh (if not femmy)!

Dr. Chad, we have a way of solving things around this house...the solution is let Christopher believe he is right, even if he is completely deluded. It has been working for nearly six years now!

Ces said...


This is a funny post. I can't help from laughing. On that note, I will now get up and make coffee - caffienated of course!

Christopher, take it easy on your man. It's not comparable to adultery. How do i know? I don't, I just think it isn't.


Anonymous said...

Whp is Dr Buck?

Christopher said...

Dr. Buck/Dr. Chad/Dr. Chad Medicine Woman as he is alternately referred to on Trading Faces is...
1. a fellow refugee from Grayson
2. a former dorm roommate of Christopher
3. a scholar, but not necessarily a gentleman
4. a renowned clinical psychologist
5. probably smarter than all of us
6. a fine friend of Trading Faces

That said, Dr. Chad would probably not be a good dispute resolution counselor for Christopher and Craiggers. If a therapist already knows where the bodies are buried, it is not a good idea to utilize him.

Mother Jones RN said...

I see London, I see France, but I don't see your underpants. However, I see your Fiestaware!

Very nice:-)

dr chad said...

I do know where the bodies are buried. Luckily for you, I extend patient confidentiality to my friends, and I avoid settling domestic disputes involving coffee. However, today, I settled a dispute about Vietnamese noodles for a couple. We won't even get into the Freudian implications of that one.

And I think I like "Dr. Chad" better. It's almost like I have a TV show or something.

Christopher said...

It is only a matter of time, my friend.