A Few of My Favorite Xmas Things

I have been exceedingly uninspired to write anything original on this blog since I started studying for my law school final exams, and finishing those exams successfully has been no help at all. While I search for inspiration, please accept this Christmas meme stolen from the sexy and smart Gay Prof as a suitable substitute for my creativity.

Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate is delish, and makes a good mixer for various and sundry liquers. If there is eggnog to be had, hold the egg and just give me the nog.

Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Wrapping is half the fun, though you would think gifts coming from the world's gayest man would be a mite fancier. Our lezbeen friend Melanie came over one year and re-did all of our Xmas gifts because they weren't up to her high standards.

Colored lights on tree/house or white? Our Charlie Brown tree has white lights, but what I really want is big colored 70s bubble lights.

Do you hang mistletoe? No, but then again I'm not lucky enough to have Anderson Cooper dropping in on me like the Gay Prof. Of course, he is a homewrecker since Anderson and I have been in a committed relationship since sometime around 1993.

When do you put your decorations up? When I finish with finals. Or when I'm trying not to study for finals. Whichever comes first.

What is your favorite Christmas dish? My hubby is quite a dish, but other than him, I love it when mama is feeling maternal and makes us biscuits and gravy on Xmas morn.

Favorite Christmas memory as a child? I almost never get what I really want for Xmas. I'm told I'm very difficult to buy for, and I just don't understand that at all. Crisp white shirts. Colorful ties. Fiestaware. What's so difficult about that? Anyhoo, one Xmas, everyone got it right. When I was 11 years old, everyone decided to buy me books, except for someone who bought me a bookshelf. The huge stack of books didn't last long since I read ridiculously fast, but it was still the best Xmas ever.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? It must have been second grade. Everyone else caught on around first grade, and I staged a little protest on the playground with a pal against the lies of these children claiming Santa wasn't real. Seriously, a protest. I was a disturbed child.

What tops your tree? A sparkly gold ceramic star. My girl Twyla has an African-American Barbie in a white gown with her hair teased out like Diana Ross. Twyla's topper is definitely hotter than mine.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Craiggers and I have already exchanged gifts, tonight in fact. Here's the thing, I pride myself on buying gifts that the recipient will really love. I joke that being able to name any 80s song in 3 notes or less is my only skill, but in fact, I could be a damn fine personal shopper. And when I buy a gift someone will love, I want to give it right away. Patience is the world's most over-rated virtue if you ask me.

So, this year, I was the lucky recipient of a really good home improvement book, a scarlet Fiesta disk pitcher, season 5 of "Sex & The City", and sassy new silverware. Hooray for Craiggers!

What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? I will take a bitch down if he tries to eat my cookies.

Snow! Love it or hate it? I drive a Honda Civic. Snow is not my friend.

Can you ice skate? You would think that since I am a good dancer who could run in a pair of stilleto heels from the first time he put them on that I would be able to ice skate. No such luck. You know I'd just end up whacking Nancy Kerrigan in the knees anyway.

Do you remember your favorite present? Books. Lots and lots of books. Oh, and the super-neat cufflinks Craiggers gave me a couple of years ago that work like a level (they're clear, and have a bubble in them...they're an homage to my home improvement efforts).

What's the most important thing about Christmas to you? I was never actually that into Christmas until I started dating Craiggers. He was raised Jehovah's Witness, and those folks don't celebrate Christmas or any other holiday, apparently because taking their children around to annoy people at 8am on a Saturday morning isn't quite enough to make for an unhappy childhood. Our first Christmas together, I wanted to make sure he had lots of gifts to open because it wasn't something he experienced. Ever since, Christmas for me is about finding some way to make the people I love smile. And if that isn't the most nauseating thing I've ever said in my life, I don't know what is.

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Oatmeal raisin cookies. Plain, simple, and delicious.

Favorite tradition? My parents divorced before I was 2 years old. Ever since, I've been bouncing back and forth on Christmas between the two families, making sure I spent equal amounts of time so that no one is mad at me. That's exactly the kind of stress that will cause your child turn out to be a neurotic mess like myself. Let this be a lesson for you.

Which do you prefer - giving or receiving? Christmas is the one time each year I prefer to be a giver.

What is your favorite Christmas Carol? "I'd Like You For Christmas" by Julie London. I'm all about some Ratpack-era Christmas tunes that sound like they're being sung after three martinis. I also adore "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by Rosemary Clooney because it is simultaneously melancholy and hopeful.

Candy Canes? Ever hear of Graeter's Ice Cream? They're only located in Cincinnati, Louisville, and Lexington, and they're so good that Oprah has their creamy goodness shipped to her. They make a Peppermint Stick ice cream that has crushed candy canes stirred in. That is how I prefer my candy canes, and I will eat as much as is offered to me.