Christopher's Oscars Wrap-up

For those of you who are checking in for my annual Oscars Report (or as I like to think of it, my bitchslap to Hollywood even though they never seem to notice), for the first time in probably 7 years, it is cancelled. Why, you may ask? Because after this hotness walked the red carpets, I hung up my laptop. I am THROUGH, y'all. Nothing will ever be better dressed than Miss Sally Kirkland. EVER.



Oh yeah, and school is also killing me, and I have my appellate brief due in a week, so I didn't sit watching all the red carpet fun. Sorry to disappoint. Please tune in next year when I'll have lots of hateful awful comments that are going to put me on a one-way trip to Hell.

The Weekly Cheese: Bad Movie, Great Soundtrack

Back in 1987, Jon Cryer made his attempt to break out from the goofy lovable sidekick role into leading man status with his film "Hiding Out." Yeah, didn't work out so well, but he's a sitcom star now and his role as Duckie Dale will keep him in our hearts forever, so don't feel too bad for him. Anyway, the soundtrack to this horrendous movie is fantastic! And by fantastic, we mean cheesy. Enjoy some clips generated by this crap 80s movie for this week's cheese.

Pretty Poison, "Catch Me I'm Falling"




Boy George, "Live My Life"




Roy Orbison & k.d. lang, "Crying"




PiL, "Seattle"




Hue & Cry, "I Refuse"

Vulcan Death Grip Ruled Violation of the Geneva Convention

Now how is Condi going to keep the press corps in line?!

Wheat Puff 1969-2007

Sean Puffy Puff Daddy P. Diddy Diddy Wheat Puff Combs' prolific career of changing the words to other peoples' songs and designing clothes that end up on the racks at TJ Maxx came to an end this week after an altercation involving three bottles of Cristal and supermodel Naomi Campbell.

From The New York Daily News:
Diddy angrily confronted Naomi Campbell at Jermaine Dupri's Grammy after-party, according to a witness.

The late-night bash took place after Clive Davis' annual party. "[Diddy] just started screaming at her when he saw her," says the spy. "No one could believe it. He was screaming obscenities at her, and also screaming at Terrence Howard, who was with her."

Campbell, however, brushed it off. "Naomi played it totally cool," says the party guest.

Police had to use dental records to identify the record "producer" as his face had the logo "Motorola" etched into it repeatedly, rendering him unrecognizable. No arrests have been made as of yet.

The Great Hollywood Hoax: Another Crackpot Theory

Dakota Fanning freaks me the hell out, and I have never been able to figure out exactly why. I wanted to say it is because she talks like a 40-year-old librarian. Not that this is a bad thing...I'm always happy to hear that the kids are reading instead of doing drive-bys and having BJ parties, or whatever it is the young folks do nowadays. There's just something about her speech patterns and syntax that sounds scripted. For example, this quote about Tom Cruise:

"My mom and dad really don't approve of mobile phones and they really didn't want me to have one. But then on my birthday this parcel arrived from Tom and it was a phone. In the end they let me keep it."

Ummm...you're not even a teen yet, and you're tossing around the word "parcel" like you're Gwenyth Paltrow trying to renounce your citizenship. "Did you pick up the post, dear?" "Yes Mum, and guess what? You got a parcel!" WTF?! But I have her number now. Today it struck me exactly what is wrong with this little chickadee.

She's a robot.


Scoff it you must, but this is what happens when you give Tom Cruise a whole bunch of money...he's gone and perfected Vicki from beloved 80s robot sitcom "Small Wonder." Dakota was, no doubt, the prototype for Suri Cruise. And what if he's built a whole army of little robots with big vocabularies, all plotting to convert us to Scientology? Now, excuse me while I put in a call to "The Weekly World News." We're going to blow this scandal wide open, I tell you!

Now THAT makes me sad!

I'd like to write something passionate and eloquent about some things that happened this afternoon, but in all honesty, I'm just too much of an angry-sad-disappointed blend at the moment. So, I'll just tell you about it instead.

As I mentioned a while back, a group of us at my law school are engaged in organizing opposition to the military recruiters at our school. We are opposed to them being able to come in and use our resources only to say some qualified students need not apply thanks to Don't Ask Don't Tell. Anyway, our Student Bar Association president stopped by at lunch to see my pal Becca and I to let us know the petitions she had hung for us on the mail room door had been ripped down...twice. She was fairly angry, as were we. Becca re-hung the petition prior to our afternoon class. That petition was gone by 4pm.

While I am amazed that in this day and age people still think it is okay to not hire qualified gay folks, I accept that not everyone shares my opinions. I can't accept this kind of blatant act of hate in our school. I see a lot of things up and about with which I disagree, but I can't comprehend the hatred it takes to destroy their postings, particularly in an academic environment where we're supposed to be learning how to uphold the law. Perhaps I spend too much time with like-minded people to the point that I've forgotten just how hateful the world can be. I was tormented in high school. I got death threats at UK as their first out gay newspaper editor. Honesty seems to have a price for some of us, and at some point you try to isolate yourself for comfort.

Isolation is not an option any longer. To the coward who is so afraid of those of us who won't be silent, please know that the petitions are going back up. They will keep going back up. We aren't going away any time soon. Learn to live with us, because you're the ones who are a dying breed, not us.

The Weekly Cheese

February 2, 2007...happy 227 y'all!





And I mean no place, child!

I've complained about this before, but it bears repeating...where the hell are the major networks with shows featuring families of color?! Why are they all relegated to the ghetto channels like the CW with no budget, bad writers, and no chance of gaining a mainstream audience? It isn't as though history hasn't shown that if the show is good, America will watch no matter what color the stars are. Doesn't anyone remember "The Cosby Show"? How about two of my favorites as a kid, "The Jeffersons" and "Good Times"? People watched that stuff because it was FUNNY. Of course, the white folks aren't funny on most network television any more, so I don't know why I'd expect any better from others. Still, it is only a few years before people of my hue are less than 50% of the population of this country, so those networks had better hop on it if they expect to make any money. I hear Jackee and Marla Gibbs are available.